A Thick Woman Problem

      There's a thought that I've had for a while. I admit it's one of the reasons I want to lose weight. I mean, I love my body and I have very good self esteem. Yet, I think I have a dilemma. I have realized that over the years guys which are my type, I'm not theirs. And the guys that find me attractive, they're not mine. And not only that, but I feel some guys who like my body type only like that my body and nothing else. Sometimes when they realize that is after sex to.
      I know I know, I shouldn't lose weight because of anyone else but myself. But, think of it like this. I would be doing it for myself. Cause I would know when someone actually likes me and not because they are a chubby chaser.
      I'm into the type of guy that plays videogames 24/7, likes Batman and anime. But, they normally like girls that aren't like them, and frankly are higher on the hot scale than them. The guys that are into me are normally a certain type of black men that are not my type. I'm attracted to black men, all colors of men. But, I'm not attracted into 'yo bae, lemme holla at ya' men. Because, I know they wouldn't be emotionally attracted to me in the end because we're so different. But, that seems to be the only guys that want to date me.
      My body type doesn't fit what I want in my love life. One of the many reasons why I've been trying to manage my eating habits. I'm sure other girls have been in this situation. I'm sure they'll be people that will read this and be like 'just be yourself' and I have one thing to say to that. I will be, cause I don't think I'm myself anymore at this weight.

Journal #1: Anime Toddlers & Breaking Hearts

      Well, I tried victory rolls today. It's like a retro hairstyle where you put your bangs and side hairs into two rolls on the top of your head. Mine ended up just looking messy and small. You could barely see them.
      On other news, I'm still babysitting alot. My nephews really like J-Pop music, found that out today. Personally I think my oldest nephew Brayden would be an epic anime character cause his facial features already look like one. The shape of his jawline, his giant eyes, little nose, and little mouth. Along with his light voice, his IS an american anime character and it's epic!
      Onto what has been bugging me lately. I did something terrible to one of my friends and I hope she can forgive me one day. In a way I basically broke her and her boyfriend up with my big freakin mouth. I just hope I didn't tear our friendship apart cause she's the closest I've ever been to someone. I'm not a good 'open book' person. I mean, like no one really knows all of me. But, I think she does and still doesn't judge me. I think he's there with her now so hopefully that can heal and she'll still love me. :)
      On the bright side I think my favorite lipstick color is purple. It looks epic on me!! I don't understand why a lot of girls want to wear red lipstick, purple looks so much prettier. But, let's face it, I look good with any lipstick ;)
      I think that's about it for today. Victory rolls, sitting on babies, breaking up relationships, and purple lipstick. Bye!